Joshua Bennett’s ’10 Things I Want to Say to a Black Woman’ — To Click or Not to Click?

by | Jan 13, 2012 | "race", that's LOVE | 8 comments

Spoken word artist Joshua Bennett has ten things he wants to say to a black woman, and I’m not sure I want to hear it.

I’ve happened upon Bennett’s YouTube video and I see that hundreds of thousands of viewers have already clicked “play.”

I’m curious.

And dubious.

Haven’t I seen more than enough of these user-submitted monologues and their hurtful diatribe masquerading as “advice” on how black women can become less flawed?

Yes, I’m defensive, despite the fact that whatever Bennett’s message is, it is probably not directed at me.

As a “mixed” woman who did not inherit my black father’s genetic code for brown skin, I exist in a narrow category of African Americans for whom the “racial” identifier “black” is hesitantly (at times begrudgingly) applied. Despite my stubborn insistence on claiming my “blackness,” the truth is, I have walked through life experiencing the privileges white skin affords one in America. Privileges I am acutely aware of due to my proximity to brown-skinned family and friends whose social interactions differ so greatly from mine.

I’m sure there are some privileges I’m clueless about because they are conferred when I’m not paying attention to how brown I am not.

But sometimes I am paying attention.

Like recently when I sat with two four-year-old brown girls to watch Disney’s latest princess movie, Tangled. And, no, this won’t be a rant about popular culture’s preoccupation with the pretty white girl and her extra-long glistening blonde hair. I can discuss that image with my girls, no problem. I can confirm to my little ones that Rapunzel is bright, brave and beautiful under her blonde tresses, and in the next breath I will rave about how smart, sweet and stunning my girls are beneath their brunette twists and braids.

As a mother of four brown-skinned daughters, I have become quite adept at explaining how the Creator made us all with varied skin tones and physical features that are a perfect reflection of the Universe’s awesome diversity. In our discussions, brunette does not trump blonde. Long and straight isn’t more perfect than tightly kinked. Vanilla is delicious. Chocolate is delectable. It’s all good. It’s all beautiful. 

I can do that conversation. No sweat.

But there are times when the Media are so blatant and brutal in their bias against black women that it knocks me back a few paces and I have to regroup.

Like when Psychology Today publishes “scientific” findings on why black women are the least attractive on earth.

Or when the Los Angeles Times Magazine honors the 50 Most Beautiful Women in Film, and omits stunning black women who apparently are too brown to be visible.

Or when filmmaker George Lucas spends his own money to make an amazing film about the black Tuskegee airmen of WWII, omits the black wives, and focuses instead on a love story featuring a Portuguese woman. (By the way, George, there were Tuskeegee Airwomen, too.)

With the exception of a rare few (most of whom are very light skinned), black women are not celebrated in mainstream American culture, or held up as role models for American children to cherish, respect and emulate.

Having said that…

We are twenty minutes into Tangled, these two little brown girls and I, and we are getting to know and love this feisty Rapunzel, and we are celebrating her escape from the tower, and she is led by prince-to-be Flynn Rider into a dark den of disgusting, mean , lawless outcasts, and…

Disney flings this dagger at my little loves:

Flynn Rider: You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose. (He inhales.) Really let that seep in. What are you getting? Because to me, that’s part man-smell, and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown.

Really, Disney?

There wasn’t one human being among the hundreds who worked on this picture who read/saw that scene and said something like,

“Um, won’t there be little brown children watching this? Won’t this movie be around, like, forever, and should we equate the skin color of millions of children who will watch this with ‘really bad man smell’?”



And, what might this moment have to do with white privilege?


It has everything to do with having the privilege (or not having it) of raising daughters in a society where their skin color will be publicly celebrated. Where it will be held up as something beautiful and worthy of admiration and protection. Where it will not be referred to, even indirectly, as something really bad smelling.

Before you watch Joshua Bennett’s poem, watch this excerpt from Kiri Davis’s brilliant film A Girl Like Me, and ask yourself what is going on in the heart and soul of this little girl at marker 1:27. What messages has she already received about being a black girl, and from where are they coming? Who will counter those messages with beautiful truth? 

I must admit, when I clicked on Bennett’s YouTube video, “10 Things I Want to Say to a Black Woman,” I steeled myself for what I suspected would be another disgruntled man giving “advice” to black women on how to be less “angry” and more “lovable.”

Not even close.


  1. BeesansDiva

    I cried. I was watery eyed from the get, but didn’t cry until #9. #10 so true true true.

  2. Dee

    Kathleen, this was one of the best articles I have read. Very eye opening and inspiring at the same time. As an African American woman, it reminds me to constantly instill positive talk and confirmation to my little girl on how beautiful she is. I thought I was doing something when we stand in the mirror every morning before school and at night before going to bed telling each other who we are ( I AM Beautiful, I AM Smart, I AM Confident, I AM a perfect masterpiece created by God, so perfect that he got rid of the mold after he created me). I now see, that I need to prepare her for what others think, and to remind her that some people may be distorted in their thought process, but let that not be her.

    That Disney movie piece…I never caught that, but truly an eye-opener.

    The video about the dolls blew my mind and my daughter’s mind as well (she is 8). It’s so sad that our children think and feel this way. You know, one of my main goals in life is to build the self-esteem of our young African American girls so that they can grow up strong, proud, and confident.

    Please consider Josh Bennett’s piece a classic, or maybe even perfection.

    Thanks for this article.

    Please keep them coming.

  3. Robin J

    Thank you Kathleen Cross for sharing this video, it was magnificent to be reminded why I love being born a brown woman!

    The words you wrote were a pleasure to read, your insight interesting…good stuff!

  4. Dawn May Adams

    I watched this video and cried. There aren’t too many men Black, White or any other race or color that could honor a woman in the manor in which Joshua has done here. Kudo’s to you Josh, and Kudo’s to you too Kathleen for the beautiful article that you have written about him and his honoring of Black women.

  5. whit

    It’s interesting that George Lucus has a black wife, but doesn’t write for or cast black women, ever (outside of the Triller Video). I don’t understand this.

  6. Jen Edmund Gelfman

    Heartfelt with tears. So worth sharing and going viral. Thank you for sharing Kathleen. 🙂

  7. Aeaavo

    Kathleen, I am intrigued by your ableness—your mind, heart and knowledge connect—your use of words for stirring and inspiring self-consciousness. Only by sharing your posts, it’s an effort towards changing the way we were and are still being influenced with perpetual slighting for quiet shame; subliminal fear; and disquieting self-resentment for black permanence.

    You are indeed an inspiring connect, and yet, before today, I failed to submit my email to be notified of new posts. Shame on me!

    • Kathleen Cross

      Thank you all for your comments. Your feedback is much appreciated!



  1. @BahiaHoney - RT @novelistkc: "...overall it just smells like the color brown." <~ o_O
  2. @sthamzinclyde - I listen to the track on a daily basis! RT @SunshineMkhize: ☺
  3. @Rudichiban - Luv this.......... amazing twist.

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