Here’s Why I Love Kola Boof

by | Jun 30, 2012 | "race", authors | 11 comments

“I wish, so much, that I hadn’t stayed with the bodies over night. Because that is how I received my imagination…I could hear their blood going into the earth…And I know TOO MUCH.” -Kola Boof

Whenever I think of Kola Boof, I see an image of Naima Bint Harith, a little girl with gorgeous deep brown skin, a sweet smile and shining eyes, who, at age six, witnessed the murder of her parents.

Naima’s father, Harith Bin Farouk (a light-skinned Arab/Egyptian) and her mother, Jiddi (a blue-black Gisi-Waaq Oromo from Somalia) were both slaughtered in retaliation for Harith’s “crime” of speaking out against the enslavement of the charcoal-skinned Sudanese by the lighter-skinned Arab ruling class.

During the first night of her new life as an orphan, Naima’s innocence was dyed blood red as she spent the dark hours before dawn lying alone and traumatized with her parents’ lifeless bodies.

Within days of the murder, Naima’s Egyptian grandmother informed her orphaned grandchild—the only living child of Harith and Jiddi—that her skin was too dark for her to be welcomed into their light-skinned family. Little Naima was put up for adoption.

When I think of Kola Boof, I think of that little girl who should have been happily skipping along the banks of the Nile with her parents, but, who was instead violently and callously flung into a war against white supremacy that no human being should have to (but every human being should be willing to) fight.

It is not lost on me that had Naima’s father been unconcerned and complacent in the face of the injustice he saw, he would still be alive. Her abandonment and suffering are born of his sacrifice. Our complacency is a twisting knife.

If you don’t know who Kola Boof is, I’m going to have to let you Google her, because trying to sum up this writer/activist’s life and work in a few paragraphs is an impossible task.

Suffice it to say that the Sudan-born, D.C.-raised author of “Diary of a Lost Girl,” “Long Train to the Redeeming Sin,” and “The Sexy Part of the Bible,” writes edgy, thought-provoking, paradigm-shifting literary prose (and, at times, vicious, profane, irreverent twitter rants) that have led journalists, fans and haters to variously label her “genius,” “disturbed,” “talented,” “polarizing,” “brave,” “racist,” and, increasingly, among her hundreds of blocked haters on Twitter, “crazy black bitch.”

Though Boof can at times be found at the center of distracting social media hurricanes (like the recent drama in which she boasted about regularly sexing Djimon Honsou during his marriage to Kimora Lee Simmons), her impassioned and important message is that the earth’s dark-skinned black woman is systematically disrespected, hated, insulted and erased by those who, influenced by white supremacy, cannot or will not recognize her black beauty and her intrinsic perfection as a creation of God.

It astounds me that anyone disagrees with that message, as it is quite apparent that in every country or culture on this planet that is heavily influenced by European values, dark-skinned women with black-African hair and features are rarely held up (for its sons and daughters to look to) as models of what is beautiful, marriageable, or worthy of admiration.

Don’t even get me started on the American entertainment industry and its proliferation of images that relegate dark-skinned women to the roles of maid, mammy, slave or sex worker. But it’s not just the media that is guilty. Too many young dark-skinned girls are tormented by their family members and bullied from toddlerhood, with the terms “African,” “dark” and “nappy” being viciously hurled at them like profane weapons.

Insult is added to this injury when darker-skinned black women are uninvited or invisible in situations where light-skinned or biracial black women (whose physical features are closer to the “white ideal” of beauty) are welcomed to show off their “black” beauty. If you need an example of this blatant disregard for the plentifully pigmented sisters among us, click here, or here, or here, or here, or here.

It also astounds me that so many lighter-skinned people who profess to be about “erasing racism,” “honoring diversity” and “building unity” are so resistant to understanding Kola’s life experiences or at least listening with an open mind to her observations about the annihilation-by-rejection and psychic injury dark-skinned women are being subjected to around the world.

I get that folks are turned off by Boof’s caustic delivery and her irreverence-bordering-on-hatred for some of the world’s most revered institutions (such as Christianity and Islam). I get that people are offended by the sweeping negative generalizations she makes about the inhabitants of entire countries (especially since she so deeply and righteously resents the negative generalizations made about black women). I get that people are shocked and repulsed by Kola’s disregard for what she sees as repressive and oppressive Western moral codes.

What I don’t get is how there is this loooooong line of individuals ready to invest their energy in attacking Kola for her lifestyle, her opinions and her temper, yet there are so few champions who are willing to speak up about the HUMAN RIGHT so many black girls have been denied—the right to be seen, to be admired, to be protected and to be cherished.

I admit I am frequently appalled at the words Kola Boof uses to voice her rage against her detractors—especially the vitriol she reserves for black American men (whose psychic injury she acknowledges, but cannot forgive); but even when she is at her angriest, my gut feeling about this sister is that she created “Kola Boof” to be the warrior she needed but didn’t have on the day her parents died–a ferocious defender who should have been there to protect little Naima—the generous, intelligent, soft-hearted, world-embracing spirit that lives inside Kola.

Given the mountainous struggles that little girl faced (severe trauma, several abandonments by parental figures, adapting to American culture, learning English, rejecting colorism…) it makes perfect sense to me that her alter-ego Kola would (on the surface, at least) be so FIERCE.

Anyone who knows even a little bit about the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a severe childhood trauma creates, knows that one of its key components is an easily triggered and exaggerated fight or flight response. It is an extremely difficult to control SURVIVAL response that has nothing to with intelligence or morals or wisdom.

Among the many symptoms PTSD sufferers deal with are:

Physical ailments with no apparent physical cause
Fear for their safety; always feeling on guard
Feelings of shame, despair, or hopelessness.
Difficulty controlling emotions.
Impulsive or self-destructive behavior.
Changed beliefs or changed personality traits.

I don’t know Kola personally and I don’t know the degree to which any or all of these symptoms affect her life, but her writings, her online presence and her tweets seem to indicate that there is much residual injury that she lives with daily. If she is suffering from PTSD, I see no reason why her life’s work to restore THE ORIGINAL AFRICAN WOMAN to her rightful pedestal of dignity and respect should be diminished by it.

“I am a very SAD, broken, damaged human being…And I live, literally, by the grace of GOD. The pain in my vagina I have spoken of…but rarely the pain in my brain and my heart.

My teeth and my bones hurt me like headaches, because I am so broken and damaged EMOTIONALLY.

People read my books and ask, “How can you write like that?” It’s because I live in constant emotional “psychotic” pain.

Don’t they understand that I saw my parents killed in front of me? Do they think a child can EVER grow up and get over that?

And now I wish, so much, that I hadn’t stayed with the bodies over night. Because that is how I received my imagination. From that night, when I could hear their blood going into the earth. I suddenly had an “imagination”. And it’s very…

And I know TOO MUCH.

Much of the vicious attacking you see me do…is mainly to make people AWARE of the rage and bitterness that they create in the world…simply by accepting the world the way it is.

That’s why I tell people…don’t accept it…REBEL.

Because although it’s too late for Naima…it’s not too late for the daughters of the future.

When YOU SEE me hurt someone, strike at someone…I’m just trying to set a new example for the MULES of the world….that we mustn’t go down without loud screaming and fighting.

…I don’t see myself living that long, and I just want to give…as an artist….what the people NEED.

And I pray for my sons to be OK. I know I’ve taught them how to make generations and where inside themselves to find answers and to find me.” -Kola

Although I have never met Ms. Boof, I interacted with her online many years ago and did speak to her once on the telephone after she wrote an amazing poem for me entitled “Angels and Insects” which she posted at the African American Literary Book Club (AALBC) discussion board where she and I crossed paths.

An inter racially married white woman on that discussion board who called herself, “Moon,” had become the target of Kola’s rage when (among other things) she refused to acknowledge that white and light-skinned privilege exists at the expense of black women. Kola was trying to get Moon to realize that privilege and injustice are inseparable and that her white privilege had a cost that she simply chose not to acknowledge (which is another privilege).

Moon was the source of much conflict on that board because she was a white visitor to a black online forum who was always in “teach” mode, and she did not seem to respect the opinions of the black women whose life experiences differed so greatly from hers. Moon was convinced that simply by mothering her mixed children and teaching them that love sees no color she was actively promoting the unity of the human family. “I don’t walk in brown skin,” she wrote, “I can sure teach children about love.”

Being the product of an interracial union myself, I joined the debate. (Forgive the use of CAPS; it was an intense conversation):

“Your children deserve more than your LOVE. They deserve to LEARN what it means to live in a society that will try to convince them they are BETTER because they came from YOU. Who is going to WORK DAILY and DILIGENTLY to undermine that lie in your household?

I am not a hater, Moon. I KNOW in my SOUL that all human beings are ONE CREATION, and these designations of racial categories are not REAL. But that does not mean human beings are not behaving as though they [the labels] are real. WE are all affected by our socializations regarding race, skin color, hair texture, innate intelligence, morality, etc. etc. etc.

You cannot toss me indescriminately onto the heap of black women who you consider jealous of you and your husband, or simply hate your whiteness. My mother is white and my father is black and I can speak on the subject of white privelege personally, because having white skin and blue eyes I am treated with UNEARNED deference just about everywhere I go.

One of the few places my physical appearance is not automatically “respected” is in the company of black women I don’t know. That is when I humbly SHUT MY MOUTH AND LISTEN so that I can LEARN more about what it means to be a black woman in America — and thereby understand more clearly what it means to be a member of the human family.

I don’t agree with everything Kola says, but I don’t take what she says personally either. I know she is “FIGHTING for her life…” Her fight to lift up black women does not diminish me….WHAT are YOU fighting for MOON? The rights of all humans, regardless of skin color, to love and intermarry? That right already EXISTS. As you said earlier, your life is proof of that.

Show me proof that Kola’s BLACK SONS are held in HIGH REGARD by this supremacist society. She is fighting for THEM, MOON. And for EVERY BLACK BABY who will be shown and told (maybe by YOUR children) that they are NOT PERFECT EXACTLY AS THEY WERE CREATED. They will be told that if their father had lain with a Scandinavian or an Asian or a Mexican or ANYTHING but their AFRICAN MOTHER they would be more beautiful or smarter or healthier or… (you know the list you’ve heard it many times).”

Kola’s response to my post was immediate, and, I believe, sincere.

…I have never denied that I have many prejudices against Bi-racial people and white people—despite that fact that I am, technically, Bi-racial and that my White Arab birth father was a great, great man who dedicated his life to the dismantling of “White Supremacy”. He called it “the world’s only true religion”.

But my “prejudice” against Bi-racials and Whites is not what I…..REALLY…..feel when I’m alone, topless in the mountain streams praying. I feel LOVE for those people—only I keep it a secret, because I fear they are against me and my sons.

It seems there are two realities co-existing within this daughter of a slain freedom fighter. There is Kola Boof, the consummate REBEL whose words and actions are symbols of her RESISTANCE to being controlled, ignored or annihilated by the spirit of white supremacy that destroyed her family and threatens her progeny.

And then, there is Naima Bint Harith whose broken heart did not lose its capacity to love us all.

I wrote and posted this short poem on the AALBC discussion boards eight years ago. It still reflects why I love her:

Naima peels back her own skin
with life-sharpened nails
and we peer inside

inside her

and exclaim,

see, a huge heart
oh, and innards
soft, open, vulnerable

and in her exposure
we are exposed
safe, selfish, cowardly

and still
she names us

Click here to read “Angels & Insects” by Kola Boof.


  1. Mark Fogarty

    Nice job trying to see the whole picture with Kola! Very well done. I see Kola as an extremely gifted literary artist who weaves all the contradictions of her life into WONDROUS fiction and poetry. I worry sometimes that her intense involvement with people on social media gets in the way of her literary productivity. But maybe it is part of her process. I’ve known her a long time and she is a complicated person who has a warm and kind side that manifests itself frequently. She is one of the most intelligent people I know and haas worked harder than anyone I know to make a life that makes sense for her out of the soul-destroying experience she had in the Sudan. Kola is a rose. It isn’t hard to learn how to appreciate the beauty of the flower while at the same time avoiding the thorns! again, you’ve given a terrific look into her complicated soul.

    • Kathleen Cross

      Thank you, Mark. I so much love how Kola rejects the “strong black woman” meme and calls herself a “living black woman” who (like all humans) needs and deserves love and caretaking. She is not a cement tower, she is as her parents so aptly named her “Naima” which means “exotic flower” There is so much symbolism and irony in her very existence and in her exile to America. Symbolically she is a kind of “Yusef” whose beautiful coat was the source of scorn, but whose exile bore incredible fruit. I ♥ her “complicated soul.”

  2. Bahia

    Love this, auntie! I love it for
    me and even more for my daughter Naimé. Well done!!

    • Kathleen Cross

      Thank you, B!
      I love you and your little stunning one 🙂

  3. Fleurette

    Beautifully written.
    A wonderful insight into Kola Boof.

  4. damnshayme77

    This article changed my mind about her Thank you for a clearer perspective Miss Cross. Got caught up in the twithate and didn’t now that there is a bigger picture. NOt sure I could have survived all that. I’m like, whoa.

  5. Zandria

    I not too long ago started following Kola on Twitter and Facebook because her books are simply amazing, and I respect who she is because of her story, her Black womanhood, her passion…this article has given me even more insight into Kola and I thank you for writing it.

  6. frosting

    I am not bi racial. However, I don’t think you should shut your mouth in any group. Just because some black feel some type of way for being born dark. That is their prejudice. Not yours…….and I am a brown skin black woman. You should not feel guilt because of the color of your skin. Even if your skin gives you privilege. At the end of the day, privilege is fleeting. We all have to overcome hardships.You did not ask the creator to be born, or to be born bi racial. Girl get out of here with that. So I DON’T like the fact that you told Moon to prepare her children with the knowledge that they live in a society where they’ll be favored because of their skin. That is stupid. No child should be brought up with a sense of guilt. Especially for something they can’t help. If people want to treat them different that is fine. Just make sure they don’t do the same to others. That is the biggest lesson any of us can ever learn. Even white children. I like Kola. Like you, I don’t agree with everything she says, however, she is very intriguing faults contradictions and all.

    • frosting

      I meant to say some dark skin black women. I am correcting a typo.

    • Kathleen Cross

      The point of my “shut my mouth” statement was that with my white skin and blue eyes I don’t get to be an expert about what it means to be a black woman in America, and if I really do CARE to learn and understand more about that experience, there is a time for me to be humble and listen. The comment really was directed specifically at a white woman who thought her interracial marriage qualified her to educate black women about why so many are alone and raising babies with fathers absent (unlike her own experience with her present black husband). The tone was disrespectful and “superior” and she was creating disunity because she “knew” she was right about everything she espoused. She seemed to think the black women on the board resented her whiteness (which would make her the victim) so I offered my own experiences to her as a way that she might use her time on that AFRICAN AMERICAN Literature Book Club board to LEARN rather than instruct. I have learned so much in my life about the human experience from people of every hue, and black women (including darker-skinned black women) have loved, instructed, nurtured, and influenced my world view in immeasurable ways.

      As far as having “guilt” about being light skinned. That is stupid. You brought the word guilt into this. I have never in my life felt guilty for the wrapper my creator gave my soul, nor would I suggest that as a healthy mindset to any parent of any child. But plenty of parents of “mixed” children do feel quite comfortable instilling a sense of supremacy in their children. I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every time some well-meaning adult told me mixed children were “more beautiful” or we are “the best of both worlds.” Many biracial people do grow up feeling superior to black people because that is instilled in them by their families and communities.

  7. christa

    For people with silly comments.I get what u are saying some people cant help the color they are born and yet our own black community will discriminate against our dark complexion.may I need to remind you that this started from slavery days and older people which the lighter your skin the more loving,caring do anything you please light skinned benefits.I am a living witness where I see adult family members go shopping are out to eat they take the light skinned kids with them the dark ones left instead of attacking people for what they see why dont you take a look back at history and when you was growing up and see how black people instilled in light skinned,biracial children are better than their darker relatives.its a hurting feeling for some to go through watching and lighter skinned people nor biracial people will ever understand another’s person pain if they turn the other cheek and they feel as if they are superior over there own skin color of people I find this a huge problem in the aa community some people with this mindset is difficult to deal with.and u want address the problem with blk men dating outside their race one main source of the problem either their mother are grandmother tell them dont bring me nothing home dark that’s instilled in there minds so its to the point they went way over board with dating marrying non-blk women now thats the lightest the mothers wanted they children to date mama upset cause her baby boy which she instilled a bullshitting ass image of what women to bring home and not one like her she looses it completely.u raised him like that so with white wife who you call a devil.take a look back and how you raise your children.cause believe it karma is real.the aa community never want to address stuff thats not the main issues our biggest problem what people instilled in their children’s mind’s they are better I have a solution for every blk person who complains about the blk race tell their white I don’t deal with black people do the aa community a favor and give up your black card cause reguardless some of my people may do things that’s not right I still love all my black people cause I love myself my children and my whole famil.I will never complain about something if I can reach out to my people but some haven’t awakened yet so I can’t waste my time in that.can only work on my family and make sure my children will not have a mind set like I really hope the aa community wake up and stop dreaming.



  1. Not Just Sinners and Saints – Kathleen Cross’ Take on Kola Boof « loveessence - [...] read “Here’s Why I Love Kola Boof” [...]
  2. Shona Girl | Turning Point - [...] a look at Kathleen’s post here and share your thoughts, you know where to find me! Share this:TwitterFacebookGoogleLike [...]

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